5 Things the Poker World Needs
One could probably come up with a list of a hundred or even a thousand
things the poker world needs, but we're going to focus on just five
things this week. 1. A Governing Body Poker is a lot like the wild
west. It's every man for himself trying to get his hands on as much
money as possible. With this comes a fair amount of angle-shooting,
cheating, multi-account, lying, stealing, and other unethical
approaches. Poker has the responsibility of governing itself. No one
else is going to do it for us. online poker 468x60 To date, the poker
world has generally done a horribly inadequate job of policing itself.
For the most part, the bad guys get to win. Get caught in a
multi-accounting scandal? Don't worry about it, just lay low for a few
months and you'll be fine. You'll probably even get an online poker
room sponsorship out of it. Unfortunately, the poker world is somewhat
overran by angle-shooting d-bags and even more unfortunately, there
are little to no consequences for these unethical actions. Annie
Duke's Epic Poker League has taken a stride towards remedying this
with their Standards and Conduct Committee, but that really only
polices the tiny fraction of the poker world with an EPL membership
card or a reasonable chance at one day acquiring one. A governing body
is needed for the remainder of the poker world. It would be great to
see organizations like the WSOP, WPT, and leading online poker rooms
come together to form a governing body through which bans from
participating in their games can be handed out based on
transgressions. You can even call it what it is, The Poker Court.
There'd be a judge, jury, trial, the whole nine yards. The potential
consequence? Being blacklisted from the game you've profited off of.
Wow... The Poker Court. I'd probably even pay a little extra rake to
help fund that idea! 2. Groupies There is a seriously discouraging
absence of groupies in the poker world. What's not to like about a
bunch of dorks with money? I don't get why you don't see more women
hanging around poker players. If you need any further proof as to how
much women suck, just go to the WSOP next summer. You'll see virtually
no women whatsoever. They're all too busy hanging out with the $30k
millionaires at the clubs rather than hanging out with the
millionaires who look like $30k bums at the Rio. The poker world has
only one groupie that I am aware of, the groupie, and we thank her for
her efforts. 3. Legal Poker in the U.S. Black Friday almost seems kind
of surreal looking back on it. Like, did that really happen? Yes,
apparently it did. In the "land of the free", the most prosperous and
developed nation in the world, you can't play poker on the Internet. I
personally had to relocate to Mexico to continue playing online poker.
How comical is that when you think about it? Americans being compelled
to relocate to Mexico! Nicely done, U.S. government. You found a way
to bring some counterbalance to the trend of Mexicans scurrying into
the U.S. by the truckload. Poker is in what I would call the Dark Ages
right now. It doesn't get any more pathetic from here. There's nowhere
to go but up. Eventually, hopefully, online poker will be legalized in
the U.S. and people like me can come back to our own country. That is
if we even want to by that point. I feel better about my chances of
surviving 2012 being nestled right up against Mayan ruins. Maybe they
will spare my soul. 4. A Flamboyantly Gay Poker Pro Supposedly
something like 5% of males are homosexual. With that in mind, there
simply must be at least a few homosexual poker pros. But whoever they
are, they seem to be pretty private about it. Poker needs a
flamboyant, openly gay poker pro to liven up the scenery a bit. Let's
see just how "tight" some of these old-timers get when a dude in short
shorts starts talking about what a "fabulous" play he just made. Where
is our Richard Simmons?! Where is our Bruno?! I, for one, will welcome
Howard Lederer back into the poker world with open arms if he embraces
this role for us. C'mon Howard... how hard can it be? All that money
and fame and we sure didn't see you in the company of many women that
weren't your sister. Got anything you wanna tell us, Bubs? It's okay,
we'll listen. A little honesty from you would be refreshing. 5. Lynch
Mobs Where is the poker lynch mob tracking down the whereabouts of
Lederer, Ferguson, and Bitar right now? I don't remember getting an
invite to the pitchforks, torches, and battering rams party. What's
going on here? When do we get to go find Lederer in his hole (mansion)
Saddam Hussein-style and bring him to justice? Are there any military
resources available for this? We're leaving Iraq, so it's possible,
right? Someone needs to get on this. Let's get these guys moving
through the courts system or send them to Guantanamo or whatever it is
that we do with frauds these days. Just watch out for those flying
playing cards of death when apprehending Ferguson.