Yeah, so the title sums up my day.

I spend most of the afternoon mucking around online without actually playing any poker then head into Crown at around 6pm for dinner. At 7:10, I make my way over to Table 25 and find myself seated at a particularly weak table of randoms. $550 250k GTD, Day 1a has ~230 runners. There are two day ones and a repechage. We’re starting with 10k at 25/50 with 30 minute levels on Day 1 and 40 minute levels on Day 2.

I find my way up to 11k early after calling a tight player’s raise with JJ and getting two streets on a 863KK board, villain shows A6 at showdown when I checkcall the river. Not sure whether she was betting for value or bluffing and she probably wasn’t sure either. Come to think of it, maybe she wasn’t as tight a player as I thought.

I find a bunch of pocket pairs and miss a bunch of flops, with 99, 88, 88 and 66 all failing to connect. With the nines, I fire into three players on a 653 flop and find one caller. The turn is a 4 and on a rainbow board, I can’t see any hand i’m beating anymore except 88 so I check/fold the turn. I figure he has a set more than anything since one of the other players says he folded 77 but I don’t beat anything anyway so it doesn’t really matter.

I also get involved in a few minor pots and have my cbets raised or get horrible flops such as KQ5 when i’m holding TT and I simply give up my hand. By halfway through the 75/150 level, i’ve leaked down to about 7,500 and although I still have plenty of chips, the frustration is setting in.

Sam Youssef, a multimillionaire whale who plays high stakes has been moved to the table and he’s sitting two to my right. He’s a massive aggrodonk preflop and a massive station postflop. Logically, this means that i’m going to have a brain implosion and fire three barrels into him with air sooner or later and it turns out to be sooner rather than later. I’m so retarded sometimes. My bustout hand pains me to type because my line is embarrasingly retarded both preflop and on all three streets.

Sam raises to 400 on the button (his range is ATC here) and the SB calls, I know i’m supposed to fold but I elect to throw out another 250 with 7d5s for some unknown reason. I never defend in spots like this but I feel like I can take the pot with a flop bet on a lot of boards. Anyhow, there’s mistake number one.

Flop: Th3d2c

That’s actually a pretty good board for me to fire once at and then give up, I guess. Live players fold to donkbets out of the blinds more than they should for the record.

SB checks
I miscalculate the level we’re on for some reason, thinking it’s 50/100 instead of 75/150 despite having been the big blind in this hand and elect to lead 375 (what I thought was half pot but what turns out to be significantly less obviously)
Sam calls. When he calls, this means he has total air and from his demeanour, I can tell he has a low PP under the tens at best and probably air. Because of this, I decide that 2barreling looks pretty strong and that i’m going to 2barrel most turns and he’ll give up if he hasn’t hit.
SB calls, which surprises me, but he doesn’t look particularly invested in the hand so I figure he has something retarded like a gutshot.

Turn: Ac

The SB checks and looks like he’s given up, so I elect to 2barrel as planned. I look at the stack sizes and decide that since there are a lot of rivers that I can fire and Sam has a weak ace at best, i’m going to lead small again and fire the river as well if he calls. Which of course is completely retarded against a station who I have played with many times before. I lead 800 with the intention of firing the river if Sam calls and giving up if he raises or the SB comes along.

Sam says something like ‘really?’ which I take as a sign he has a low PP or some marginal hand. He calls and the SB folds. There is now about 4,000 in the pot and I have about 5,700 behind.

River: 3c

Pretty much the perfect scare card. The runner runner flush gets there, middle pair on the flop gets there, Sam may suck but he knows i’m not firing a ten a third time so firing again here looks super strong, like 75% nuts (better than top pair) 25% air strong. The only missed draw I could have is something like 54 which is a miniscule portion of my range and absolutely everything else got there except for total air (which, unfortunately, is exactly what I have)

My head is telling me ‘he’s a station, give up’ but my gut says he’s weak and he can’t call a large river bet.

This is where it gets interesting. The dealer messes up my change (I threw out a white 1k chip on the turn for my 800 bet) and tries to push me back 1200, just as i’m reaching forward with my 5,500 stack of large denomination chips in my hand. I’m about to announce all-in, but then I think for some reason that i’m actually 7k deep instead of 5.7k, the dealer stops me to take back the 1,000 chip as I reach for it and in doing so, I drop the 5,500 stack in my other hand on the felt. Oops, I just bet 5,500 of my 5,700 stack with total air, without announcing all in, in the clumsiest manner in history. Live players view all in bets as stronger than all but one chip type bets for some reason so this actually matters.

Anyway, Sam asks how much I bet, I state 5,500 (with 200 behind) and he asks me if I have a set (he means a three but whatever, he said set). I don’t say anything and he says something along the lines of ‘you have a set but I have to pay you off’ and calls, showing As Ks which unfortunately is right at the top of his range. I think he’s calling me with most aces, although he probably shouldn’t be since my range is something like 70% nuts 30% air. maybe i’m overestimating how often I have a runner runner flush, set or 3x here. I shouldn’t have 3x much unless it’s threes full since I led the turn. He looks quite surprised to have won the hand, says something like ‘you know better than to try and bluff me’ (which I do since he’s a station) and I curse myself for being a retard with fancy play syndrome.

I’m almost all in blind from the SB so I throw in my last chip since 75 of my 200 is in on the SB and I bust when two players somehow end up all in on the flop and my 94o is drawing dead. I’m completely disgusted with my play. I even had a soft table. That was just inexcusably bad and a blatant waste of $550 (or, well, the $400 or so in equity that my stack was worth before the hand)

I can’t recall butchering a hand this badly with total air for 50BB against a station in a long, long time.

I’m more upset busting in this spot than I have been at any time over the past few months, including all of my flip for the chiplead on the bubble spots in Vegas. A three barrel all in bluff there is not just bad, it’s something a retarded, spewy live donk muppet would do. I’m ashamed of how badly I played today. It’s just awful.

Anyway, I head up to the cinema and watch GI Joe to unwind, it’s a typical fun action movie with a nonsense plot and random bad dialogue but it’s entertaining enough to see once. It’s still only about 11pm but I can’t bring myself to play any cash since i’ll just spew off money with that hand still on my mind so I head back to the hostel to basically do nothing for the rest of the night, write up my trip report/confession that I suck and maybe watch some TV.

Tomorrow i’ll play some cash and try to undo the damage I did to my roll with my massive failure today. The goal is to run up my $1100 buyin for the 6max event playing cash over the weekend when the Crown donks come out to drink, play and spew off money.

I really need to write a note on my hand when I play live tournaments that says ‘don’t be creative, don’t bluff, be a TAG/nit until the antes kick in then steamroll them by pushbotting when we’re down to 15bb average stacks’.

Ugh, I suck at poker. Today was disgraceful, but tomorrow is a new day and… well… nevermind, i’m a luckbox, i’m due and i’ll just win the Main Event instead.