I declined to post after my last two tournaments for no specific reason.  I played the $540 mega-stack event at Caesars on Thursday and got to the final 3 tables despite take a 2-outer on the river twice for a guys stack and losing to a 3-outer for another guy’s stack.  I ran 3 bluffs the entire 8 hours I played and got nailed on all three.  In my final orbit, I found myself up against KK twice and JJ once.  This ending was quite frustrating.

The TI HH (which is my bread and butter tourney) eluded me for the 5th straight time.  I took a 1-outer on the river on the very first hand and found myself up against top set THREE times in the first hour.  My final hand pitted me a chance for a double up, back to an even stack if I could just dodge 5 outs on the turn and river (with me having redraws to either if he hit.)  No such luck.  I rebought and just played it calm and call and found myself in the zone for the second time in two days and chipping up bit by bit.  I went to the final table with one bounty and twice the average stack.  In 7 hands I found myself against aces twice and I was gone.

After this, I just emotionally collapsed outside the TI poker room.  So much anticipation for this summer with all the work I’d done to improve my game.  The majority of it has never seen the need to be used, as the opponents are so bad that playing ABC is the way to win.  Unfortunately I cannot put a run together that will get the job done.  I’ve finished in the final 25% in half the tournaments so far and not cashed.  If not putting in a single cashing so far wouldn’t through the mind into some bizarre twists on its own, couple that with several deep runs and washing out.  I just don’t know how to react to failure, as it seems to only hit me in the first week of this summer challenge.  Three straight years it has happened and then I come roaring back in the second and third weeks.  That is what I have to go with.  I have to remember the past and trust that these tournaments are not the norm and that I will not continue to be the only guy playing against the best starting hands in poker when we are coming down to the wire.

This morning, I felt a sense of renewed confidence.  I can’t control some aspects of this game, but I know I’m playing well enough to have gotten into my elusive “zone” twice in two tournaments.  I took up a friend’s offer to have him stake me for 60% of the Venetian Deep Stack today, in order for me to get a shot at playing a bigger tournament.  This change in schedule is unprecedented, since I have never cashed at the V (0-25 all-time) but I feel my time is coming and I want it to be when the prize pool is big.

To the felt I go.